Several friends have been celebrating their birthdays of late. I love birthdays. They offer me the opportunity to dote on the people I love for a whole day and remind them that they’re not without friends or affection, to tell them what I would normally wish to tell them at random times without making them uncomfortable.
As my own birthday approaches, I feel nervous. Each year that passes, I look back on the year and wonder what I did to make my life and the lives of those around me better. I confess myself to feel a bit guilty. I’ve spent a good deal of my time at play, as though to re-capture my youth. I feel it slipping away and I feel torn in two. One part of me wants to cast aside the frivolity and irresponsible behaviour of someone 10 years my junior (if you measure in terms of years against what convention might dictate as appropriate behaviour). The other half wants to grow old with as much resistance as my younger friends and beauty products will allow. Of late, I place myself in the shoes of Dorian Gray and wonder what I would be prepared to do to maintain my youth.
I have no children to take my focus away from myself, so I act out as a self-appointed big sister to my friends. I look in the mirror and wonder when it will no longer be acceptable to go out and have fun without wondering about what is around the corner?
I’ve thought long and hard about what I have done with my year and believe that there are elements that will need to change. There is one key part of my personality that will not. I will continue to spoil those few I love on their special day, regardless of what anyone else might think. I know that I’m not exactly old, but I don’t intend to spend what finite time I have left without leaving some sort of impression.
If you could say there is one thing about you that hasn’t changed, no matter how old you get, what would it be?