In one of the many writing guides I’ve purchased over the years, I discovered the concept of “Morning Pages”. The idea is that you wake up and immediately starting writing. Your mind is uncluttered and you might still be half asleep, but it’s the best time to write unfiltered. So, here I am, trying to form yet another good habit to keep me writing and to keep me sane during these weird times.
You know, everyone keeps saying that these are difficult times. They are. Everyone has their own coping mechanism. I write, read and sew. I’m trying to watch less TV, not always successfully, but that way I don’t feel lie this time locked in the house is wasted. I don’t believe you have to be overly productive at a time like this, nor do I think you hold judge anyone who only wants to get through their virtual work day and spend the rest of the time watching Netflix. I’m lucky, I have time. Unlucky, because it don’t to medical issued, but I need to turn a frown upside down somehow.
For some people, the hardest part much be not being able to visit loved ones. That’s probably the toughest for me too. I want to see my parents desperately. I want to be in my home in California, lecturing my Mom about eating right and exercise and playing with my Dad’s drones. I want to be in the kitchen teaching Dad my new recipes and cooking for them while dad and I tuck into one of the 35 bottles of Scottish whiskey I’ve brought him over the years. One year I brought him an Irish one, but it just wasn’t the same. Jura gave me my first whisky hangover. I spent the evening having one dram after another watching old episodes of the “Twilight Zone” on their version of Netflix. The next thing I new, it was 6am and I had the mother of all headaches. Netflix in the US, by the way, has different stuff than we do in the UK. FYI.
I spoke to my family on Sunday via Zoom. It’s awkward sometimes. My brother gets impatient with my parents and I can feel the tension between my Mom and Dad. She’s bored and lonely and looks about ready to break a vase over his head. I want to tell her to be calm and sort herself out, not to put everything on his shoulders. I think she forgets sometimes that he’s going to be 80 years old this year and she depends on him him entirely. Dad can be frustrating, a control freak and too opinionated sometimes and he treats her like a child, but she also helped creat this dynamic. I’m frustrated with both of them, but I’m still so grateful to have them both in my life. Imperfect as things are, I miss my parents.
I’m sure there is more that I could write, but I’m feeling awake now. The old worries are creeping in and I’m feeling less free.
Morning pages can be as long or as short as you need them to be. Today, I’ve said the first things that came to mind. I didn’t dream, so there’s nothing to report there. Though, I do keep having a reoccurring dream about my hair. Could be a subconscious response to the trauma of losing my hair thanks to Chemo, but it’s MAK now and down to my shoulders, you’ll be happy to hear
Also, morning pages should have no self editing. Don’t matter if the grammar is wonky or the punctuation is a bit all over the place, just write and see what comes out.
Have a good day. See you tomorrow.