Based on the date of my last post, I’m not doing very well. I blame chemo.
The past two weeks have been brutal. The spirits are up, but I’ve felt tired and sick. Tings are better today, even after a dose of Gemcitibine yesterday.
I’m looking forward the weekend. I’m have a socially distanced BBQ in the garden with a small group of friends and it will be good to have something to keep me busy. The forecast is 26 degrees and clear skies. Perfect.
In addition to looking forward to this, I’m also a but nervous. I feel anxious socially and I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll be around people again. I worry that when people are asking how I’m doing, I spend most of my conversation talking about my illness. I don’t want to be that person whose illness becomes their whole life and the only thing people associate with me.
I’ve been crafting, sewing, reading, studying, writing and trying to fill my mind with things to talk about. It is difficult to escape the association though, especially when at a moment’s notice, I might need to retire to the sofa or bed, when I choose not to drink too much because the taste is metallic and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. After over a year of almost no alcohol, I’ve become a cheap date and the headache comes before I’ve finished the 2nd glass of wine. Chest la vie. There are worse things to give up.
I’ve recently discovered that one of my classmates is a published author. I’m impressed and the subject of his book is relevant and contemporary. It covers the day to day experiences of an EMT. I’m reading it now. Writers are competitive and the idea that one of my classmates has been published has made me moe determined to get something finished. I have the bones of a book, but it’s hard to know what will you have people and be marketable. I know that you shouldn’t focus on the publishing part and instead for us on the creative craft, but I do want something in print someday, so it is always in the back of my mind.
Speaking of, back to my reading and I’m looking forward to adding to my word could on my latest project.